I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
