ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
