Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
