census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
