I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
