why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
