Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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