If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
