I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is wine microwaveable?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
