I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
whose ass print is on the piano?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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