If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
