do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
