I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
