as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
