marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
