By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
