just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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