So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
