I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
