So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
