Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
