My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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