Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
