OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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