you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
