Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
