Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
