I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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