3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
