My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she smelled like a LAN party
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
