My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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