so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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