I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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