had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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