I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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