wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
