I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
