She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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