Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
