So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
