Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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