I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
