Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
