I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
