Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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