How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
