just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
