OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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