9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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