it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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