dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
