piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
